If you are asking the question “I want a house but wife wants kids. What should i do?” then this blog post is written for you. We want to help you make this extremely important decision by giving you the tools to analyse what decision is best for you at this phase in your life.
Everyone is different and every situation is completely different so we cannot offer a straight “yes” or “no” answer to this question. Plus this decision is so important you have to make it yourself.
What I would like to do is firstly pose 5 questions for you, that will help you to analyse your situation and whether you need to choose one or the other, or if you can do both. Then I will offer 5 pieces of advice on choosing property of children.
Ask yourself the following questions:
1. Is Your Relationship With Your Spouse Solid?
I ask this question because their are two things that will put incredible stress on your relationship with your spouse/partner. Financial troubles and children.
A mortgage from a property can definitely cause financial struggles and children will demand a lot of your time and your life will change dramatically.
It is important to assess your relationship and look for ways to strengthen it.
How is your communication? Can you communicate well to each other and tell each other your feelings? Do fights over small things spiral out of control? Practice active listening and see a psychologist who can teach you how to communicate better if you need to.
Are you aligned in your decision? It can always be hard when one foe you wants something and the other doesn’t. Get aligned in your decisions and if one of you believes strongly about something (or wants something badly) and you don’t care about it then decide to make it a priority so you can be aligned.
2. How Young Are You? Do You Want To Wait?
The harsh reality is that the older you become the harder it is to have children. It is hard because the older you become the more financially stable you become also.
Look at your age and whether you can afford to wait a few years before having kids. There is always to chance that if you choose to buy a property and wait to have kids you may have waited too long. Assess you and your partners age and health.
If you want to wait then that is fine, but if you decide you don’t want to be much older when you have kids it may be time to get cracking in the child department.
3. If You Had To Decide “Should I Buy A House Or Have A Baby?” (and you could only have one) Which One Would You Choose?
If you could only have either a massive property portfolio or children, which would you choose? Remember you can only choose one…you can’t have both.
Answering this question will give you idea of deep down what is most important to you. It strips away to excuse of “not right now” and makes you decide either one or the other.
Now that you can chosen which one you want my question to you would be “why wait?”. Either property or children are going to make you fulfilled, so choose the one that will make you most fulfilled.
4. If Someone Put A Gun To Your Head And Said You Had To Buy A Property And Have A Baby At The Same Time How Would You Do It?
I am a big believer in BOTH/AND instead of EITHER/OR. Above you decided whether property or babies are more important to you (if you could only have one), now let’s have a look at how you can have both.
If you HAD to find a way to purchase a property and have a baby at the same time how would you do it? Maybe you could start a side business, or work part time with your child in daycare to pay the mortgage. Maybe you can start buying rural property for cheaper so at least you are building your portfolio but you can afford it on one income?
How could you make it happen if you had to?
5. How Can You Provide Security For Your Family Without A Property?
It is important to realise that a property doesn’t equal stability for your family. The most stable families are the ones that love each other and look out for each other, not the ones that own a house.
Look at your situation now and work out ways you can ensure security for your family. Maybe you might need to take our some income protection insurance for the bread winner, maybe you need to invest in shares or buy an investment property instead of your home.
How could you make your family secure without a property? Maybe you could do that first and then buy a property to further add to your security.
Some Tips For Making The Decision:
1. Your Capacity Will Expand Once You Have Children
They have done studies on the human brain and they have shown that the adult brain is plastic…that means that it can change and adapt itself. They have proven that the time in an adults life where their brain is most plastic (changes the most) is when they first have a baby.
You brain literally changes itself to adapt to your new life. You capacity will increase once you have children.
Maybe now you couldn’t handle buying a property and having a child, but once your brain rearranges itself after you have a kid you may find a new capacity to invest in property whilst you grow your family.
So don’t be too afraid that you don’t think you can handle it. You will adapt and change so you can handle it.
2. If You Want Both Then Just Make It A Priority
If you want both a baby and a house/investment properties then just make both of those items major priorities in your life. Studies have shown that people tend to get what they make a priority.
If you make it a priority and continue ask the question “how can I have both” then you will find you don’t have to choose between one or the other, you can have both.
3. Financial Freedom Will Rarely Bring True Fulfilment
Being financially free is great, it gives you the freedom to do what you want to do, but financial freedom in and of itself will rarely bring fulfilment. The fulfilment comes in having the time to do what you love with the people you love.
4. Start By Being Grateful For What You Already Have
We live in a materialistic society and it is so easy to continually be wanting more and wanting better. We spend so much time wanting new things that we often forget to be grateful for what we already have.
Start by being grateful for what you already have. For the friends you have, for your finances, for your clothes and your car and everything you can think off.
Being grateful can reduce stress and can give you clear thought to well and truly answer the question about whether you should buy a house or have a baby
5. You Can Never Afford To Have Children, You Just Have Them Anyway
This is a really important thing to learn and it is why I have left it till last.
Let me ask you this:
When driving to work or to a friends house do you wait until every light is green until you leave your driveway?
Of course you don’t! If you did then you would never leave your house.
The fact of the matter is that you will never be able to afford to have children. You will never be financially secure enough and you will never feel confident that you can comfortably afford it.
You need to accept this fact and have kids despite this. Then, somehow, you always seem to find a way to afford it,